


Nobody Knows the Troubles I've Seen

by enigmaticblue



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Community: apocalyptothon, Gen, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 17:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2119356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigmaticblue/pseuds/enigmaticblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It turns out the Troubles offer excellent preparation for dealing with a zombie apocalypse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody Knows the Troubles I've Seen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [December21st](https://archiveofourown.org/users/December21st/gifts).



> Written for the 2014 Apocalyptothon for December21st for the prompt: “The people of Haven find themselves uniquely qualified when it comes to dealing with the Apocalypse.” Many, many thanks to trucherrygirl for the beta.

The first zombie stumbles into Haven on a Tuesday in March, which is a little early for the start of tourist season. (Later, Audrey will be grateful that everything went to hell when it did, since about the only people in Haven are the ones who live there.) The call comes in as an assault in progress, and Audrey holds on to the door of Nathan’s truck as they bounce down the road towards the gas station on the edge of town.

 

It’s not one Audrey usually frequents because the prices are a little higher, and she doesn’t often come this way. She figures it’s even odds that it’s a Troubled person making, well, _trouble_ , versus an actual criminal committing armed robbery.

 

“Do we have any details?” Audrey asks.

 

“Dispatch said the kid calling it in was pretty panicked,” Nathan replies. “Couldn’t get much sense out of him. Something about the attacker biting the attendant.”

 

“Biting, huh?”

 

“That’s what he said.” Nathan gives her a sidelong glance. “You thinking Trouble?”

 

Audrey smiles. “Or it could be your standard robber with an oral fixation.” Nathan’s expression is deeply unimpressed, and Audrey grins. “But probably a Trouble.”

 

When Nathan pulls into the gas station, the witness, whom Audrey doesn’t recognize, runs over to the truck, his blue eyes wide and his face pale—paler than winter probably would have left it. “Chief! I just—I didn’t know what to do. It was—it was just—”

 

“Slow down, Chad,” Nathan says, climbing out of the truck. “Is he still inside?”

 

Chad nods rapidly, dark hair flopping into his eyes. “I think so.”

 

“Was he armed?” Audrey asks, already calculating the best way to enter.

 

“No!” Chad says. “He just—he _bit him_.”

 

Audrey shares a puzzled look with Nathan and then shrugs. If the attacker isn’t armed, then there’s no reason to hesitate, and they’re clearly not going to get much out of Chad right now.

 

“Stay here,” Nathan orders.

 

“Can I stay in my car?” Chad asks.

 

Nathan frowns but says, “Sure, if it makes you feel safer.”

 

“What the hell?” Audrey mutters as they approach, weapons drawn.

 

“Beats me,” Nathan whispers, and nods at Audrey, who’s the first one inside.

 

At first, the store seems to be empty, and she begins a silent sweep, just in case Chad had been wrong about the attacker not being armed. And then she hears slurping.

 

It’s a really gross sound.

 

She catches Nathan’s eye and nods at the front counter, which seems to be where the sound is coming from, and they approach cautiously as the slurping gets louder. Audrey rounds the counter first and stops cold. There’s a moment when her brain refuses to acknowledge what she’s actually seeing, and then the creature lurches towards her, hands outstretched, and she fires out of sheer reflex, some instinct telling her to go for the head shot.

 

When it’s lying there, still and silent, Audrey stares at what appears to be a decomposing corpse with half its head blown off and blood around its mouth. The body of the attendant is on the floor in a pool of blood, his abdomen a bloody mess with entrails hanging out.

 

Audrey has seen some pretty disgusting things, but this takes the cake.

 

“Is that—” Nathan stops.

 

“Yep,” she says, popping the P.

 

“And it was eating Louis.”

 

“Sure looks that way.”

 

They look at each other, and Nathan says slowly. “Are you _sure_ it’s not a Trouble?”

 

Louis sits up, and there’s a squelching sound as a few more entrails hit the floor. He doesn’t say anything, just tries to clamber to his feet, lurching towards Audrey and Nathan the same way the first one had. This time, Nathan is the one to fire, putting a bullet right between Louis’ eyes.

 

Well, Louis’ body’s eyes. Audrey’s pretty sure that wasn’t actually Louis anymore.

 

Audrey searches the pockets of the unknown dead man and finds a wallet. “Marcus Maxwell,” she reads off the license. “From Bangor, Maine.”

 

“Bangor, huh?” Nathan says. “Last name doesn’t sound familiar.”

 

Audrey grimaces as she looks around at the carnage. “We can run it, see if anything comes up. He might be related to someone in Haven.”

 

There’s at least a possibility that someone in Haven is raising the dead, but Audrey has developed a sixth sense around these things, and something tells her that she’s not going to be able to fix this one.

 

~~~~~

 

As it turns out, Marcus Maxwell isn’t related to anyone in Haven. The Teagues brothers don’t recognize the name or the picture on the driver’s license, and Audrey puts in a call to the Bangor police and finds out that Maxwell’s wife filed a missing person report a week ago.

 

When Audrey asks if they’ve had any unusual attacks, Detective Bell drawls, “Well, a couple of attacks that involved some cannibalism, but we figured it was that new drug. What do you call them? Bath salts?”

 

“Uh huh,” Audrey says, and she suspects that Bell hadn’t actually seen one of the attacks—or the attackers—in person. “Could be. Thanks for your help.”

 

Nathan’s looking at her when she hangs up. “Well?”

 

“He’s had a couple of incidents of ‘cannibalism,’ and thinks that it was due to a new drug,” Audrey says, deploying the scare quotes.

 

His “uh huh” matches hers. “I called the CDC,” he says. “Thirty confirmed cases across the country in the last week. They’re concerned but aren’t ready to make an official announcement or issue any warnings.”

 

“What are you thinking?” Audrey asks.

 

“I’m thinking we have enough to issue a warning,” Nathan replies. “And that we have enough Troubles of our own to be dealing with zombies.”

 

“Agreed,” Audrey replies. “I’ll ask Vince and Dave to put something in the paper.”

 

“Sounds good.” He pauses. “Is it strange that I’m not freaked out about this?”

 

Audrey considers it, realizing that she’s not all that worried herself. “We’ve seen stranger.”

 

“True,” Nathan agrees.

 

The newspaper announcement just says that if anyone comes across what appears to be an animated corpse, they should contact the Haven Police Department immediately, and should not engage.

 

Duke shows up at the station the next day, looking a little panicked, waving the paper around. “There was a boat full of zombies!”

 

“Did you go on board?” Nathan asks calmly.

 

“Are you kidding?” Duke snaps. “I didn’t want to get bitten.”

 

Audrey takes a sip of her coffee. “So, there’s still a boat full of zombies out there? How full are we talking?”

 

“At least six that I could see, and the boat is stalled about a mile out. I don’t think they know how to get it started again,” Duke replies. “It’s just the principle of the thing. _Zombies_.”

 

“Better put a guard on the harbor,” Nathan says laconically. “Did you recognize the boat?”

 

Duke stares at him. “No, I didn’t. Nathan, I know you’re really into this whole stoic cop thing, but doesn’t the zombie apocalypse worry you just a little bit?”

 

Nathan shrugs. “We’ve seen worse.”

 

Duke pauses. “Okay, yes, but usually Audrey fixes things. She can’t fix zombies—unless it’s a Trouble.”

 

“Aw, Duke, that’s so sweet,” Audrey says. “But no, not a Trouble. Sorry. You’re just going to have to deal with it.”

 

He turns his glare to her. “Zombie apocalypse, Audrey!”

 

“We’ll take the appropriate precautions, and we’ll be fine,” Audrey insists.

 

Duke sighs. “Do you have to shoot them in the head? Is that how you stop them?”

 

Audrey glances at Nathan, leaving it up to him to answer. “Seems that way,” Nathan says finally. “But please don’t shoot anybody who isn’t already dead.”

 

Duke raises his hands. “Hey, I’m fully on board with the ‘do not engage’ thing, but I want to know what I should be aiming for if attacked.”

 

“If we start hearing about more zombies, we’ll put another notice in the paper,” Nathan says. “I don’t want to cause a panic.”

 

~~~~~

 

The thing is, nobody in Haven panics. The next three zombies to show up are summarily dealt with—one by a hunter out in the woods, one by Dwight, and the third by Audrey when it stumbles up to the Grey Gull as she’s leaving for work one morning. None of them are Haven residents, thank God.

 

Duke grimaces when he sees the corpse after coming out to investigate at the sound of a gunshot. “It’s probably a good thing they move so slowly,” he says. “You can _smell_ them coming.”

 

“That’s five so far, not including the ones on the boat,” Audrey comments. “I really hope they’re not attracted to Haven somehow.”

 

Duke offers a crooked smile. “Maybe we’ll get lucky, and somebody’s Trouble will keep them out.”

 

“That wouldn’t be much of a Trouble, would it?” Audrey retorts with an answering grin.

 

Vince and Dave put another notice in the paper, this one with information about how to take down a zombie, the repeated instruction not to engage if at all possible, and a warning not to get too close.

 

The news reports from outside Haven aren’t good, although the CDC insists that they’re going to have a cure any day now, but the town is off the beaten path, and Nathan increases the number of patrols to head off any problems. The first encounter had given them a pretty good idea what might happen if just one zombie is allowed to run around unchecked.

 

About the only thing that changes is that there are suddenly a lot more people applying for concealed-carry permits.

 

“I’m still not giving you a permit,” Nathan explains to Mel Fritch. “Yes, there are zombies out there, but you have three assault convictions. It’s the law.”

 

Mel’s thick eyebrows bristle as Audrey watches. She might have tried to defuse the situation, but Mel is well known for his dislike for women; two of those assaults were domestic in nature. “I have to protect my family!”

 

“You can use something other than a gun,” Nathan insists, polite but firm. “Now, if you’ll excuse me—” Mel grabs the front of Nathan’s shirt, and a split second later he’s bent over the desk, his arm twisted behind his back. “And you’re under arrest for assaulting a police officer.”

 

Audrey tosses Nathan a pair of cuffs. “You really need to work on that temper, Mr. Fritch,” she says cheerfully, unable to resist.

 

Nathan shakes his head as Mel starts swearing at them both. “Parker.”

 

“What? It’s true,” she says.

 

Nathan hands Mel off to one of the uniforms—Audrey really should know his name, but it’s escaping her at the moment—and says, “If that’s the most excitement we get out of this apocalypse, I’ll be happy.”

 

“Don’t jinx us,” Audrey orders.

 

Vince and Dave appear in Nathan’s doorway. “There’s a whole herd of zombies that have been spotted outside of town,” Vince says.

 

“What do you want to do?” Dave asks.

 

“I’ll round up some officers,” Nathan replies. “If you know any hunters who are good shots and won’t panic, send them along.”

 

In the end, there are about a dozen people with rifles that show up near the gas station where the first zombie appeared. The atmosphere is relaxed, with everybody chatting quietly.

 

“All right, everyone,” Nathan calls. “Spread out, and don’t let them get close. Headshots only. We don’t want to let any of them get into town.”

 

Audrey wishes they could have asked Dwight to come, but with all the bullets flying, that wouldn’t be smart.

 

The herd is only about twenty zombies strong, so they have more than enough people to handle it. Audrey is actually pretty proud of everyone, because they do exactly as Nathan instructs—they stay calm, take the shots, and in less than ten minutes, it’s all over.

 

Nathan shakes a few hands, thanks everybody for their help, and then they all head home.

 

“I’m beginning to think that the Troubles might be good for something,” Audrey says as Nathan drives them back to the station.

 

“Well, you can kill zombies,” Nathan points out. “In the grand scheme of things, they’re a lot simpler.”

 

“How long do you think the zombie apocalypse will last?” Audrey asks.

 

Nathan hitches a shoulder. “Not that much longer, I hope.”

 

Somehow, Audrey isn’t too worried about Haven making it through intact.


End file.
